She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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