I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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