i just had sex bonerless
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
