Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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