ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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