Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
