I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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