I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
