lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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