i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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