I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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