I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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