dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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