We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
