I must be too annoying 4 u.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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