she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
