thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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