If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is Oprah even human
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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