im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
