Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just blew my weed a kiss
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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