i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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