If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
