he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
