great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
