It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
