if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize