my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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