Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
