i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
