And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
