well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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