I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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