I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
