she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
