i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
