it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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