just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
