Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
