Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
