either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
