So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wanna go halves on a baby?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
