please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
