can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
