I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
