yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
