Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
