He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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