So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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