I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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