I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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