very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
