if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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