she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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