Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
