Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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