Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
