my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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