I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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