he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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