omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
