dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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