I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
