you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
