woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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