Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
