mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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