got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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