Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize