): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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