Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
