Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
