I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
