I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
